


do it for her. do it for me.

by schrodingers_zombie



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Backstory, Do it for her, F/F, Oh worm, Pearl doesn't know how to love herself as much as she loves others, Pre-Rebellion Story, Self-Sacrifice, Unhealthy Relationships, and it's not good!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 12:49:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15267852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrodingers_zombie/pseuds/schrodingers_zombie
Summary: pearl was made to serve pink diamond. instead, she learned to love rose quartz. but learning how to love is a lot easier than learning how to love yourself. learning how to live for yourself is a process, and for pearl, it starts with dying for herself. slowly. slowly. but she'll get there.a while ago i wrote something about pearl sacrificing herself for her Quartz again and again and again in the rebellion. but with the new information we have about their backstory, i couldn't look at it the same way, and i felt the urge to rewrite it. with more emphasis on pearl doin' it for herself, because i didn't want to just write about pearl blindly throwing herself to her death for the DIAMOND she served. ew! let pearl be happy, dammit! and let her and rose be IN LOVE. THEY LOVED EACH OTHER! it was all about their love!i'm not completely satisfied with this, but i'm publishing it anyway. maybe i'll rewrite it again! anyway i love pearl more than anything and i just want her to be happy ;n;





	do it for her. do it for me.

Pearls were made to serve. They were made to serve _perfectly_.

And, well, you couldn’t be perfect without knowing what your diamond wanted before she asked for it. So of course Pearl was good at forming patterns, at analyzing situations, at thinking faster than a diamond and _definitely_ faster than the strong-but-dumb soldiers the Crystal Gems faced on the battlefield.

It didn’t start with battles. It started with sneaking out, her and her diamond, running around the fields of Earth. Watching the native species, clumsily copying their actions – Pink laughing as Pearl gagged on a fruit, Pink clapping with glee as Pearl modeled a makeshift dress of leaves. But then Pink’s pleas to her sister diamonds changed nothing, and their little fun excursions turned into sabotage.

And then they were trying to destroy a Kindergarten injector and Pink Diamond wasn’t paying attention (she never did, never could focus, always distracted by a butterfly or a human or a colorful plant) and a Citrine guard was swinging a mace and Pearl realized three things at the exact same time.

  1. Unless something happened _now_ , Pink would be hit.
  2. If Pink poofed, her identity would be revealed and her baby rebellion would be over before it began.
  3. There was only one thing Pearl could do in the milliseconds before everything fell apart.



Pearl didn’t think. She calculated, and she jumped, and she felt the hit radiate through her body and send her crashing back into her gem.

Later, when she reformed, safe and _this definitely isn’t allowed_ in Pink Diamond’s arms away from the danger, she realized something else.

She hadn’t done it for her diamond. Yes, of course she wanted Pink to be safe. But when she jumped, she wasn’t doing it for Pink Diamond. She was doing it for their rebellion.

She was doing it for Rose Quartz.

And she hadn’t meant to, not- not consciously, but when she reformed, the diamond insignia she wore was gone.

It kept happening, then. Rose – _Pink_ – was in danger, and Pearl didn’t think, she acted. She didn’t need to think to know what she needed to do.

Her sacrifice was necessary. It was what Pearl could do, what she could do for her.

_For the rebellion_ , she would think as the world faded around her.

_To protect her. To protect her identity. To protect her existence._

When she reformed, always, Rose Quartz would hug her tightly – Pearl would never let anyone else hold her like that, but when Rose, when Pink did it, it was alright – and whisper in her ear, “Pearl, never do that again. My Pearl. My selfless, strong Pearl. You don’t have to do that for me. Pearl, you have to take care of yourself. For me, at least, my Pearl.”

“But that’s all I can do, my Quartz,” Pearl would respond every time. “I’m your knight and I’ll fight for you. Just let me do this for you, Rose.”

And Rose would smile, wipe away a tear, and hold Pearl even tighter.

And sitting there, feeling Rose’s arms around her, feeling Rose’s warmth, feeling a hot blush creeping onto her cheeks, Pearl guiltily thought _that’s not all_.

_For this_ , Pearl thought as Rose stroked her hair. _For us_.

For the teary smiles she got whenever she reformed into Rose’s hands.

For the gentle way Rose would kiss her forehead and order her to think about herself for once.

_I am thinking of myself_ , Pearl thought, and didn’t say anything. _I’m not selfless. This isn’t strength._

It was because she loved the way Rose would look at her with pity and sadness and gratefulness and, yes, with love. It was because Pearl was learning how to be so, so selfish, slowly. Learning how to need something so badly she would die for it.

Yes, she sacrificed herself for the rebellion, for the cause, for Rose Quartz’s war. For the gem that used to be her diamond and now was her quartz. But it was also for holding hands with Rose in the rare times of, well, not peace but not fighting. Running through the fields together, away from the fight and the other Crystal Gems. For the way Rose would stop, gasp in wonder at a simple flower, pick it and put it in Pearl’s hair like it was the most precious thing in the universe. Like _she_ was the most precious thing in the universe. For the way it felt to twirl and dance and laugh into Rainbow Quartz so easily.

Pearl didn’t need to think. She just needed to feel. She would see Rose Quartz under attack and before her conscious mind caught up to what was happening she was there.

And it wasn’t because it was her diamond or even her quartz. It wasn’t because that’s what Pearls were made for. It was because of something more.

Pearls were made to serve, but Pearl didn’t just serve. She _loved_. At some point, she would have thought those feelings were a mistake. A flaw in how she was made. But Rose Quartz seemed to think it was more perfect than the way Pearl used to serve.

And Pearl didn’t care about any of her flaws if it meant Rose would keep holding her like that.


End file.
